Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I want her autograph on my taint
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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