I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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