My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
