im so drunk with asians
where?
always
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
