Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
