thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
