A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
