Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
