i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize