my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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