I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
