this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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