never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
