last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize