Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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