Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
