guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
