I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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