No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
