You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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