I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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