Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
