I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize