So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This couple is walking their pig around campus
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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