why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize