All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
