I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
