I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
