Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
