i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
