Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
