I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
