4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
