I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
