I heard we made out
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize