so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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