Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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