Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He better not be in your backpack
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
