dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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