Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
