I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
