whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
