so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
