I wannas sexs uuuuu
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
