Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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