my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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