I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
