did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
