and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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