I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
