I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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