I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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