she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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