you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
