so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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