just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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