I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
