I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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