I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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