Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dick very happy bro
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