I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
