hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
