His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
