Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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