Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
