Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
