love makes seman taste better
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
