Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
