i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
that is very illegal...i love you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
