Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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