Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
