don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
