dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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