I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
