M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
