My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
