But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
