We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
