I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?â€
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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