6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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