I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i think i just lost a toe
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
