Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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