Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
