Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
