Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
