I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize