the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
