I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
