C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It's Friday. Sex?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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