then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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