3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
