I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
