if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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