I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
