i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
