My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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