GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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