At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
