I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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