a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
