community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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