You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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