Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
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